


PC Bad Guy Anon

by vifetoile



Category: Overwatch (Video Game), Portal (Video Game), The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, Wreck-It Ralph (2012)
Genre: Comfort, Gen, Support Group, Villains
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 06:11:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13094091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vifetoile/pseuds/vifetoile
Summary: "Good evening, everyone, and bonsoir. I, Amelie Lacroix, hereby call this session of Bad Guys Anonymous to order."





	PC Bad Guy Anon

 “Ahem. Bad Guys Anonymous is a fellowship of villains and villainesses, miscreants, ne’er do wells, and Dark Lords and Ladies. We support each other, listen to one another, and respect each other. Here, we do not judge. Here, we are more than our programming.”

Widowmaker paused, to let the effect of the words settle in, and then said, “I hereby call this meeting of Private Console Bad Guys Anonymous to order. As chair of this session, I welcome our returning guests, and I bid an especially fond welcome to our first timers.”

She nodded at Wheatley, who rested in a folding chair just across from her in the circle. Wheatley was a personality core, fresh out of _Portal 2,_ vaguely resembling a robotic eyeball. His optic blushed bright blue as people politely clapped.

Beside him, hanging from a rail in the ceiling, loomed an enormous chassis that culminated in a glowing yellow eye. In one mechanical arm she gripped a small cup of black fluid – a careful mix of coffee and machine oil. Beside GLaDoS was Sombra, who was putting away her screen – making one last check –

“Screens away,” said Widowmaker patiently.

“Sorry.” Sombra retired the purple holograms. Beside her were the rest of the Talon villains, hi-def and nicely stylized: Reaper in his long black coat, Doomfist in jeans and a T-shirt – not sporting his usual weaponized prosthetic, but a smaller one, off-white with signatures from his friends. And next to Doomfist sat –

“Ganondorf, you seem ready to talk,” Widowmaker said. “Would you like to share?”

“Only if no one else wants to,” said the Lord of Evil, Holder of the Triforce of Power, King of Thieves. He brushed back his red hair and cleared his throat. “Hi, I’m Ganondorf,” he began.

“Hi, Ganondorf,” chorused the group, Wheatley coming in a bit late.

“I’ve been a bad guy for twenty five odd years now. Something happened just today. Link – the player character – and I were playing a round of tennis in Kakariko Village. Just to stay limber, you know. Anyway, after I score a particularly nice hit, I let out a little laugh – _fairly_ evil, but nothing _tyrannical_ – that’s how I play my role,” he added, so Wheatley would understand, “I ham it up, chew the scenery, and I find joy in the performance.”

“Hear, hear,” GLaDoS said monotonously.

“Well, some Kakariko punks were watching the game,” Ganondorf went on. “They all had Kee- kee-something – those little masks on. And when I laughed, one of them threw a rock at me. A rock! It hurt my feelings. They ran away as soon as I looked at them, and Link started to chase them down to make them apologize. I believe it turned into a minigame.” He heaved a sigh. “I mean, I work for twenty odd years to have a life, a reputation outside of being ‘the bad guy,’ – and I have a little chortle, and – ” he slumped over, hand on his mouth. “I was so upset that I baked a new cupcake recipe. Had to focus on something else.

Reaper said, “The cupcakes are delicious,” in an encouraging sort of growl.

Ganondorf gave a little sniff. “Lon Lon Milk Stout and chocolate. I’ll get you the recipe.”

Widowmaker raised her hand. “Ganondorf,” she said, “It is horrible, what happened to you. You have mentioned problems at Kakariko before. I admire how you went and did something productive with your pain. You baked. And now you are sharing.”

“And Link stood up for you,” Doomfist added. “You noticed that.”

“Yeah. He’s a good kid.” Ganondorf gave a weak smile. “Hyrule Castle Town and Kakariko have always been tough crowds. Some things don’t really change… well, anyway! That was my sharing. How is everyone else doing?”

GLaDoS extended a filament. “Hi, I’m GLaDoS, and I’m a bad guy,” she began.

“Hi, GLaDoS,” said the group, though not everyone got the capitalization right.

“I think I have been doing a good job in the here and now.” She straightened her chassis a little. “The turret opera is coming along very well – next week we’re putting on _Tales of Hoffman_ , don’t miss it… anyway, about me. The Player revisited _Portal 2_ earlier this week. I found a new depth in the falling scene, which is one of my big monologues. Opens with the line, ‘How are you holding up? Because I’m a potato.’ I realized, it has a bit of a double meaning. I’m coming down to earth, in more ways than one.”

“Classical training,” said Widowmaker, clapping, joined by the rest of the group. “The gift that keeps on giving.”

GLaDoS inclined her mainframe. “I rehearse, I commit, and I don’t care what anyone but the Player thinks,” she said. “That’s the way to work.” She glared sidelong at Wheatley.

“I caught that implication!” he huffed. It was an artificial huff, of course, but he put his might and main into it.

“Wheatley,” said Widowmaker, “Why don’t you share your method?”

“Method? Ha!” GLaDoS’ snort was a garble of scornful static.

“Approach, then,” said Widowmaker evenly.

“I’m more an improviser, to be quite honest,” Wheatley began. Then, “Oh, hi, I’m Wheatley, I’m – I’m a bad guy. But I didn’t mean to be!” He blurted, just as the group said “Hi, Wheatley.” “I never meant to be the bad guy. Every time I play through I promise I’ll be better, and then I plug into the chassis – I mean, Chell plugs me in – and it’s, it’s such a _rush_.” Heads nodded around him. Widowmaker closed her eyes, as if remembering a particularly fine headshot.

“I’m plugged in,” Wheatley went on, “and all my good intentions go swoosh, out the window. I bully Chell, I bully the turrets, I come very close to complete destruction… I really am a bad guy. But I didn’t come here before, because – don’t say it!” he warned GLaDoS – “I was in denial. I didn’t want to say that I had a problem. I was the world’s nicest guy! But, I mean, the truth is, I love the power. I love bossing the other robots around. And it isn’t nice. I want to be better. Chell deserves better. She never says so – doesn’t say much – but I owe it to her.”

He almost jumped when Ganondorf started to clap, followed by the rest of the Anon attendees. Even GLaDoS played an audio file of applause.

“You’ve made a very important first step,” Widowmaker said, her voice so kind Wheatley had trouble believing it was directed at him.

“But if I may – ” Doomfist said, “There is one thing you’re wrong about. Change is something you owe to yourself. You deserve your best game, and your best life.”

Commendations followed this remark. Wheatley’s optic flushed bright, bright blue. “Thank you, now someone else have a go,” he said, a bit gruffly.

“Hi, I’m Gabriel Reyes, aka Reaper, I’m a bad guy,” said Reaper. “I’m having a pretty good week… except… well…” He cleared his throat. “We were in Numbani, and we won. We had a great Orisa – really in her element – and Doomfist stopped three ults – ” he slapped a hand lightly on Doomfist’s shoulder. “And Moira is learning the ropes real fast. I tried talking to her about this, but she’s… well, never mind.” Reaper shook his head. “Tracer got Play of the Game, and the kids of Numbani just crowded around her. She had a nice word for everyone, or a smile or a high-five at least, and I thought, _I could do that_. _I could_ be _that._ It’s – I’m getting better at being happy for her, for the good guys, but it’s frustrating. I wouldn’t mind some praise, sometimes.”

 There was applause and murmured words of sympathy. Doomfist rubbed at his shoulder and said, “I might as well go next. I’m Akande Ogundimu – Doomfist in my game – and I’m a bad guy.”

“Hi, Akande,” said the group.

“If I may, I want to give some kudos to Amelie – “ he nodded at Widowmaker from across the circle – “I attended two dance classes, led by her, this week, and I had a great time. Other players were there, and I got to know them a little better outside of the fights. And, well, it turns out I’m still pretty light on my feet!” He grinned. “I think I’ve found a method that really works for me. The discipline helps get my mind off of worries.”

The group clapped. “I say,” Wheatley said in a stage-whisper, leaning towards GLaDoS, “this is much more cheerful crowd than I was expecting.”

The entire group heard him, of course. There were a few snickers.

“Sombra, would you like to share?” Widowmaker asked.

Sombra shifted a little in her seat, and reflexively went to check her screens – but stopped when Widowmaker raised an eyebrow at her. “It’s – nothing really substantial, just an idea.”

“ _Oui?_ ” Widowmaker nodded, prompting Sombra to go on.

“I’ve been thinking. I’m glad I live in Overwatch. Different video games have different, I don’t know, morality is not quite the word for it, but – _Señor_ Ganondorf, if I may, _your_ game has rather a black and white worldview. There are the good guys and the bad guys. No gray, no – ” she waved a hand – “ambiguity.”

“Well,” Ganondorf rumbled, “Midna, the Twilight Princess, classifies herself firmly as an anti-heroine. But I see your point.”

“Midna is one character out of – ” Sombra started to count, then stopped herself. “Sorry. I’m getting off-topic. But for someone like me, someone who is a little more Neutral, maybe a lot more Chaotic, I have a place in my game. I don’t have to be an ultra-mega shadowy-black hand-of-death babe to prove myself as a ‘bad guy.’ I fit in there, and I don’t feel boxed in to be one role just because I’m not a ray of sunshine and selflessness. And I’m really grateful for that.” She clasped her hands over one knee. “Yeah,” she repeated. “I’m grateful.”

Widowmaker joined the others in applause. “Well, I think that’s a good note to end things on. Let’s say the Bad Guy Affirmation, and call it a night.”

They all got to their feet – at least, those of them who had feet did so. Those next to Wheatley put their hands on his upper handle. Wheatley looked around him, equal parts confused and shy, as the Bad-Anon members recited,

“I am bad, and that’s good. I will never be good, and that’s not bad. There is no one I’d rather be, than me.”

“Alright,” Widowmaker said, “This was a good meeting, everyone, _merci beaucoup_ and I look forward to seeing you next time.”

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Thank you for reading! While I was writing, it occurred to me that I could have included a lot more villains. Legend of Zelda has so many great bosses I could have pulled from – or even better, imagine three different versions of Ganondorf squabbling and commiserating. I even considered introducing a villain from Animal Crossing – namely, the personification of Time. I might use that idea somewhere else. Heck, I could have pulled out the narrator from The Stanley Parable. Well, maybe next time.


End file.
